Where does confidence come from

Philip Wells • June 19, 2023

How you can have confidence... FAST!

Introduction:

Confidence is a quality that many people aspire to possess. It empowers us to take risks, pursue our goals, and navigate life's challenges with a sense of self-assuredness. But have you ever wondered where confidence truly originates? Is it an innate trait or something that can be developed over time? In this blog post, we'll explore the origins of confidence from the perspective of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a powerful approach that can help individuals cultivate confidence in their lives.

Understanding Confidence:

Confidence can be defined as a belief in oneself and one's abilities. It is not to be confused with arrogance or an inflated sense of self-importance. True confidence arises when individuals have a realistic assessment of their strengths and limitations, along with an acceptance of themselves as imperfect beings.

The Role of Self-Acceptance:

One of the fundamental principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is self-acceptance. Confidence is closely intertwined with self-acceptance, as it requires acknowledging and embracing our flaws, insecurities, and past failures. It is about recognizing that imperfections are a natural part of being human. When we practice self-acceptance, we can let go of the constant need for validation from others and focus on building confidence from within.

Building Competence and Skill Mastery:

Confidence is not solely a result of positive thinking or affirmations. It also stems from a sense of competence and skill mastery. As we acquire knowledge, develop new skills, and gain experience in various domains of life, our confidence naturally grows. It is through the process of learning and practicing that we build a foundation of competence, which fuels our self-belief.

Embracing Discomfort and Taking Risks:

Confidence often emerges when we are willing to step outside our comfort zones and face challenges head-on. ACT emphasizes the importance of accepting discomfort and fear as normal experiences in life. By embracing these emotions and taking calculated risks, we gradually expand our comfort zones and realize our capacity to handle adversity. Each small step forward contributes to an overall sense of confidence in our abilities to navigate unfamiliar territory.

Developing a Values-Based Life:

A crucial aspect of ACT is identifying and living in alignment with our values. When we have a clear understanding of what truly matters to us, we gain a sense of purpose and direction in life. Living according to our values allows us to make choices that are consistent with our authentic selves. This congruence between our actions and our values cultivates a deep sense of self-assuredness and confidence.

Cultivating Mindfulness:

Mindfulness is another essential component of ACT. It involves paying attention to the present moment, non-judgmentally. Through mindfulness practices, we can observe our thoughts and emotions without getting entangled in them. This awareness helps us develop a compassionate and accepting attitude towards ourselves, reducing self-doubt and increasing self-confidence.

Conclusion:

Confidence is not an elusive quality reserved for a select few. It is a multifaceted attribute that can be nurtured and developed through intentional practice. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy offers valuable insights into the origins of confidence, highlighting the importance of self-acceptance, competence, risk-taking, values alignment, and mindfulness. By incorporating these principles into our lives, we can embark on a journey of building genuine and lasting confidence, empowering us to embrace our true potential and live fulfilling lives. Remember, confidence is not about being flawless; it's about embracing our imperfections and still believing in ourselves.

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How to Calm a Panic Attack: What to Do When Your Body Hits “Alarm Mode”

By Philip Wells • January 8, 2026

A panic attack can feel like your world is collapsing in real time. Your heart starts racing. Your chest feels tight. Your hands shake. Your mind screams, “Something is wrong!” And even if you’ve had one before, it can still feel terrifying. Many professionals and entrepreneurs experience panic attacks silently — often while still “functioning” on the outside. Inside, though, it feels like a storm. The good news? Panic attacks can be managed, and they always peak and pass — even when they feel endless. Let’s walk through simple steps that actually help. First — What Is a Panic Attack? A panic attack happens when your body’s alarm system fires at full blast, even though there’s no real danger. It’s your nervous system saying: “We’re not safe!” …even when you are. Common symptoms include: Rapid heartbeat Shortness of breath Chest tightness Sweating or shaking Dizzy or lightheaded Feeling out of control Fear of fainting or dying A sense of “doom” you can’t explain It feels medical — but it’s your brain and body in overdrive. And it will pass. Step 1: Tell Yourself the Truth The fastest way to calm panic is to remind your brain: “This is a panic attack. It will pass.” Say it out loud or in your head. You’re not dying. You’re not losing your mind. Your body is just stuck in “emergency mode.” Naming it helps your brain settle. Step 2: Slow the Breathing (Not Too Fast) When panic hits, we often breathe too quickly — which makes symptoms worse. Try this simple pattern: Inhale for 4… hold for 2… exhale for 6. Repeat slowly. Focus especially on longer exhales — that signals safety to your nervous system. Think: “Exhale the fear out.” Keep going for 60–90 seconds. Step 3: Ground Yourself in the Present Panic lives in “what if.” Grounding brings you back to right now. Try the 5–4–3–2–1 technique: 5️⃣ things you can see 4️⃣ things you can feel 3️⃣ things you can hear 2️⃣ things you can smell 1️⃣ thing you can taste Say each one slowly. Your brain shifts from fear → observation. And the panic begins to fade. Step 4: Relax Your Body (One Area at a Time) Tension fuels panic. Pick one muscle group at a time: Tighten your shoulders… Hold for 3 seconds… Release. Then your jaw. Then your hands. Then your stomach. You’re showing your body: “We’re safe. You can let go.” Step 5: Change Your Environment (If You Can) Sometimes a small shift helps your brain reset: Step outside Sit somewhere quieter Open a window Take a short walk Splash cool water on your face Movement + fresh air = calm signals. Step 6: Talk Back to the Panic Panic loves dramatic thoughts like: “I can’t handle this!” “Something terrible is happening!” Answer back with facts: ✔️ “This is uncomfortable, but I’m safe.” ✔️ “My body is reacting — it will pass.” ✔️ “I’ve gotten through this before.” You’re taking your power back. Step 7: Let It Rise — Then Let It Fall It sounds strange, but fighting panic often makes it worse. Instead, try: “Okay panic, do what you do. I’m going to breathe.” When you stop resisting, your body stops pushing back so hard. And the wave passes faster. After the Panic Attack: Take Care of Yourself Once it eases, give yourself time: Drink water Eat something light Take a slow walk Rest your mind for a bit And reflect gently: 👉 What was happening before it started? 👉 Was I overloaded, stressed, or pushing too hard? Panic attacks are often signals — not punishments. Important: Panic Attacks Don’t Define You You are not weak. You are not broken. You’re human — with a nervous system that sometimes works too hard. With the right tools, panic becomes less scary — and less frequent. Ask Yourself… What would change if panic didn’t control your day? How much calmer would life feel with real strategies? How would your work, relationships, and health improve? Sit with those for a moment. Because peace matters more than nonstop pressure. You Don’t Have to Handle Panic Alone If panic attacks are showing up more often — that’s your sign to get support, not to hide. And I’d love to help you build skills that work in real life. 👉 Click the link below and reach out to me. We’ll slow things down, identify triggers, and build tools that help you breathe easier — even on tough days. You deserve calm. You deserve clarity. You deserve a life that doesn’t feel like a constant emergency.